"The Surprising Connection Between Happiness, Parenting, and Evaluation."

Spend less time on the why – focus on the what.

Recently my wife suggested that when trying to help our children, rather than asking questions about ‘why’ they did something, it might be better to enquire ‘for what purpose’ they did it? Apparently, it’s much easier for them to be open with real reasons rather than giving excuses or simple answers like ‘I don’t know, it was fun’. This Belarusian advice and similar insights from online sources made me think about an article I recently read about self-reflection and how it relates to evaluation. The comparisons may not be perfect, but I think there is a deeper point about the usefulness of focusing on the more immediate ‘what’ and less often on the deeper ‘why’.

Picture this: an evaluator sits at their desk, staring blankly at a corporate vision statement that's full of lofty goals and aspirational language. They know they're supposed to be evaluating a program that's meant to contribute to this grand vision, but they can't help but feel overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of the conditions that led to the program's creation. It's tempting to get lost in the weeds of the "why" behind the program, but as Stephen Covey wisely advised, and I paraphrase, focus on your circle of influence first rather than your circle of concern, and then watch your circle of influence grow.

By zeroing in on questions like "What makes this a good idea?" and "How can we make it work?", evaluators can cut through the noise and deliver insights that make a difference. Just as a doctor wouldn't prescribe a full-body MRI for a minor headache, evaluators shouldn't get bogged down in the grand vision behind a program when a more targeted, pragmatic approach will suffice. In a world of complicated programs and complex systems, evaluators who focus on their sphere of influence and deliver practical insights will be the ones who make the biggest impact.

Insights from self-reflection: How to be happier in 5 minutes

Do you find yourself lying awake at night, thinking about work? It’s not uncommon, says Frost, but it’s a sign you haven’t fully rinsed off the day. And now, as you’re trying to sleep, the stress is catching up. It’s leaving people feeling like they’re drowning, Frost says. Coming up for air starts with taking a couple of minutes every day to reflect.

The trick is to keep the reflection positive and not to let it harm self-confidence. “People end up asking themselves ‘why’ questions, rather than ‘what’ questions, and this can lead to ruminating, which can lead to destructive self-chat,” Frost says.

This insight is based on research by American organisational psychologist Tasha Eurich, who found that “why” questions can be ineffective self-awareness and reflection tools, as we simply find them too hard to answer, and our answers rely on incomplete data [emphasis added]

So, steer clear of the “whys” and start by asking these questions as you’re driving or commuting home.

·         What went well today?

·         What didn’t go well?

·         What did I learn, and how will I be smarter tomorrow?

Source: https://www.afr.com/life-and-luxury/health-and-wellness/how-to-be-happier-at-work-even-if-you-ve-only-got-a-few-minutes-20241004-p5kfve

Insights from parenting: How to talk to your children about behaviour

James Lehman says that when we ask our kids “Why” they did something, we are in effect teaching them to make excuses for their behavior.  His point is, we’re plainly saying that if they can just give us a good enough “why” answer, then we will understand/forgive/overlook their behavior.  So of course, they are going to try to come up with a reason (ie, make an excuse) EVERY time they get in trouble–we taught them how!  I realize that every once in a while, there really is a situation where the reasons justify the actions, but that’s much rarer than our questioning.  And certainly, with younger children, who may not even have the cognitive development to understand the concept, much less answer it–what parents instead get is a series of guesses that the child intuitively hopes will satisfy the parent (NOT real explanations!)

So, experiment for a while–try to banish “Why” questions from your parenting vocabulary for a couple of weeks, and see what happens.  Let me know how it goes!

2022 update: Just to clarify, I think that the ‘why’ behind behavior is often very important, I just don’t think it’s particularly effective to ask why in the moment. [emphasis added]

Source: https://parenthoodunderstood.com/blog/2010/04/02/why-did-you-do-that/

In these examples, two comments stand out as particularly relevant to the field of program evaluation. The first, "why questions can be ineffective self-awareness and reflection tools, as we simply find them too hard to answer, and our answers rely on incomplete data," is reminiscent of the challenges evaluators face when attempting to measure a program's impact on the complex, often difficult-to-quantify conditions that motivated its creation in the first place. Just as individuals struggle to gain meaningful insights from asking themselves "why" questions, evaluators may find themselves grappling with the limitations of their methods and the inherent uncertainty of their conclusions- and to paraphrase the article about kids - that the evaluator intuitively hopes will satisfy the client (NOT real explanations!).

The second comment, "Just to clarify, I think that the ‘why’ behind behavior is often very important, I just don’t think it’s particularly effective to ask why in the moment" also has a parallel in program evaluation. While there may be situations when measuring the contribution of small actions to long-term outcomes or impacts is valuable, such cases might be less common than we often assume. In our desire to demonstrate the impact of our programs, we may be overestimating the feasibility and usefulness of attempting to trace the complex causal relations that link specific interventions to broader social, economic, or environmental conditions. By recognizing the rarity of situations where such analysis is truly warranted, we can focus our efforts on more practical, actionable aspects of evaluation that are more likely to drive meaningful improvement.

Perhaps we could take a page from the parenting playbook and the wisdom of self-reflection: instead of getting bogged down in the "why" behind our programs, let's focus on the "what" and the "how." By zeroing in on the logic of the proposition, on the necessary and sufficient conditions for success, we'll be better positioned to deliver insights that make a real difference. So, let's roll up our sleeves, focus on our sphere of influence, and show the what pragmatic actionable evaluation can achieve!